Monday, January 01, 1990

Pondering Your Insufferability

Several of you have noticed that I have been Silent for quite some time. I have been for I am, quite honestly, not sure how to let you know - without bringing upon you a species-destroying pestilence, fire or flood - that what many of you claim to be doing in my Name is, to be Honest, an abomination. I do wish you would cease and desist before I Decide that you need a small, if sharp, lesson in humility. If you need to be Reminded, and it seems that you do, it would be better if you stopped lying, stealing, destroying and killing in My Name. Immediately.

It seems that you have (a) forgotten that My Divine Retribution is something that you do not wish to experience and (b) that I usually dispense it upon encountering insufferable levels of human pride. Go find yourself a copy of the bible and read the Pharaoh's story if you need a reminder.

Remember, as your Mother surely said to you at least once during your childhood: I brought You into this world and I can take you out of it. Now try being nice to each other for a day or two. All of you. You might find that you actually have a talent for it.

The Creator Does Not Do Politics

There seems to be a belief among you, mostly in what you refer to as the democratic countries, that I Choose sides. While I can Imagine why you might think having Me as the Ultimate Guarantor of your politic agenda is a sure route to victory, I think you need to be reminded that I find your claims to revelation regarding My Designs for humanity rather Insulting given your poor track record - My Prophets notwithstanding - for actually listening to Me.

Since you seem to be amazingly dense, even for humans, let Me Offer one example for you to ponder: thou shalt not kill. Do you remember this Nugget of Mine? Have I not Asked you, in at least one hundred different ways, in at least one hundred different cultures, throughout your existence, not to slaughter one another? Yet you persist in murdering your fellows and, to compound your error, investing the wonderful intelligence I Gave you in creating ever more grand justifications for the assertion that I have ever granted you the power of death.

Just for the record: I HAVE NOT. And given the remarkable ways in which you use your free will to engage in activities that damage My Creation, it is unlikely that I Will.

Here is My Question: if you cannot seem to follow the simplest of My Suggestions, why would you think that you have the slightest sense of My Plan for your kind? So, if you don't mind, please leave Me out of your politics, at least until you demonstrate that you are willing to pay the slightest attention to the simplest of My Requests.

The Creator Opens The Blog to Comments

As the Creator, I am quite used to the creatures of my creation commenting on that which I have Made. Since I have Made this Blog, the Root of all Blogs, too, some of you have petitioned Me so that you may comment on it, too. I am, if nothing else, a Fair Creator even if I am One Who Pays No Attention to your rants and so I have Decided to Open My Blog to your comments.

But this Blog, like all my Creations, comes with a rule or two. If you break one of the Creator's Blog rules, you will be banished from this, My Blog, until I Feel that you are sufficiently repentent. How will I know?

Silly question. I am the Creator. I know everything.

I Proclaim these My Rules for commentors. Violate them at your peril.
Rule Number One: In My Blog, you will be respectful of the views and spirituality of others. If you make a rude, insulting or hurtful comment about another human being's view of Me, I will banish you immediately.

Rule Number Two: In My Blog, you will be respectful of others. If you threaten another human being or make a rude, insulting or hurtful comment about another human being, I will banish you immediately.

Rule Number Three: In My Blog, you will keep your spirituality to yourself. If you are confused, please read My Entry, Things the Creator Does Not Do for clues. If you claim that you, your book or your rituals give you a unique relationship to Me, I will banish you immediately.
These, My Rules for commentors, are much simpler than, say, the ten commandments, don't you think?

More of My Favorite Images of Me

Far too often your depictions of Me fall into the large, angry white-bearded caucasian in flowing robes category. So it is a Pleasure when I see one of you thinking out of the box with regards to imagining Me.

Guide to Doing Things In My Name

You all have a propensity for taking actions "in My Name". While the Creator appreciates your willingness to help Me with My creation, I am often not pleased with that which is done in My name. In the future I would like you to refer to the following guide before offering to do something in My name. The next time you are considering doing something in my name, please review these simple questions:
Does your proposed action involve harming another living creature or creatures?

Does your proposed action cause harm to the environment?

Does your proposed action allow you to take something that does not belong to you?

Does your proposed action bring some benefit to you personally?
If you answer yes to any of these questions, then whatever you are doing, you are doing in your name, not Mine.

If you are still confused, you may safely assume that activities involving knives, guns, tanks, firebombs, explosives, fissionable material or any of the myriad ways you have devised for killing other living things are, by definition, ways that I am not interested in having your help.

The Creator would appreciate you paying attention to this guide, for I am getting quite Annoyed by your efforts to pin Me as the reason for your expressions of avarice and avarice.

Don't make Me come down there, okay?

Connecting with Creation

It has occured to Me that many of you long to re-connect with the creation and, by extension, with the Creator. I have pondered this and, as Creators are wont to do, brought into being a way for you to do so. I call it Creator Link ™.

As with all My Works, Creator Link is quite elegant. You simply create a new blog post with the title Creator Link ™ and copy this line:

into the link box below the title. This will automatically link your blog, and by extension, you to the creation and to Me, its Creator. You should feel free, of course, to express the nature of your connection to the creation in the body of your post.

In due time, you will see that your link has appeared in the vast web of interconnection that is My creation. A modest demonstration of this web will be available Very Soon at the Creator's spiffy new profile at Technorati. Not even the Creator likes to re-invent the wheel.

Not only am I not a jealous Creator but I am One Who Delegates.

You Expected Something Grander?

Who has time for fancy templates? I have a universe to create.

Why does the Creator have a blog?

An excellent question.

You didn't think the Creator liked questions, did you? Well, this Creator is fine with questions. What, after all, do I have to hide? So, ask away, though being busy with My creation I do not promise I will answer. But be sure to read Things the Creator Does Not Do for I am disdainful of those who, given the opportunity do not RTFM.

Second, I am not a jealous Creator. I was really okay with letting other have the limelight until Al Gore claimed to be the father of the Internet. That was a little much, even for Me. I Thought it time to correct the record.

Third, even the Creator enjoys a little air time. Even once every kalpa or so is just fine. Besides, it has been a while since we talked. It seemed, given the mess you are making of things, I should let you know I am still around. Just in case you want to check in before you make any other big plans.

Fourth, if a lamer like Satan can have a blog, should not I?

The other reasons for My blog will be revealed in the fullness of time, as all My Reasons are.

My Favorite Pictures of Me

One of the things that I Enjoy Doing is collecting examples of all the ways that you see me. Not because you come close but because it is quite interesting to see you creating Me in your image. I will, when the Spirit moves me, offer one of my favorites for your enjoyment.

Like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, by Michaelangelo. The man can paint, know what I Mean? I liked this one so much that I had one of the celestial webhosts make a gif of it for My blog.

Things the Creator Does Not Do

Understanding these Simple Things will make your life so much Easier. A Creator Does Not:

Make an Endorsement - The Creation has five hundred thousand kinds of beetles, why would I give it just one Story?

Choose a Side -- I created you. All of you. Given Me, why would I choose one of you over another?

Choose a Gender - See Choose Sides.

Accept Responsibility - The primal rule of Creation is You break It, you bought It. Why should I take the blame for the messes you make?

Take Credit -- You create it, you get the props for it. Hey, I am pretty happy with my creation, why would I need to take credit for yours?

Reveal Ultimate Nature - Figure it out yourself. I had to.

Answer Dumb Questions -- Yes, the Creation allows for dumbness but that doesn't mean I have to respond to all the silly questions that come out of it.